How many of you have thought at least one of the following while in a relationship: She’s way prettier. Are you going to leave me? Do you wish you were with her instead of me? Do you want me to lose weight? Would you love me more if I skipped a plate? Thought as much.
These are the exact thoughts that used to go through Alicia Mccarvell’s head, too. She’s a TikTok star that has amassed a following of 2.7m (and growing), for her empowering messages on body positivity and self-love, and one of her latest videos has gone viral for its unmatched relatability. It shows Alicia and her husband, Scott, posing for photos and play fighting – they’re happy now, but Alicia’s journey to accept Scott’s love for her has been anything but linear.
A candid voiceover reveals that she spent much of their relationship questioning her worth because of her size: Are you ashamed to call me your wife? Why would you want to give me a ring? She’d doubt herself daily, and almost 5000 people have since taken to the comments section to share that they’ve experienced similar.
“Thank you for sharing,” one wrote. “It made me cry, and realise that I’m not allowing my fiancé to love me the way he wants to.” Another added: “I have never related to anything so much in all my life,” and a third agreed: “I’m actually bawling my eyes out. I think these things daily.”
We’ve all been there, and recognising that our appearance doesn’t define who we are, and we’re all worthy no matter what our shape or size, is easier said than done. Nonetheless, Alicia went on to share her advice, and we couldn’t have put it better ourselves.
“It’s so important to recognise that how you feel about yourself is not how the people who love you feel about you,” she began. “For the large part of our relationship, I believe there was no way Scott could love me because I didn’t love myself, and that’s just not how it works.
“I made assumptions, I caused fights, I made him feel like I didn’t trust him, I pushed him away, I turned away from intimacy, I made up stories in my head, I turned little things into big things. When I separated my worth from my size and realised how valuable I was in this partnership, my mindset changed. And to be honest, he’d be stupid not to love me.
“I’m telling you this because I want you to be sure that as you move through your self-love journey, you don’t project how you feel about yourself onto others. I spend a good amount of my time apologising for the years I projected, and for the years I didn’t allow Scott to love me the way he wanted to. Don’t make my mistake.”